So after like three months of nothing Michelle finally comes out and talks to Michael. They hung out today and all, I saw her for like 2 minutes when they dropped off a frappacino for me at work in Garden center. All i know, is that I know nothing. Nothing has been said to me, for all I know, I know nothing... really.  I have been very useasy about all this. 

So I guess I am going to leave it at this, as bland and unincorporated as this post was... its all I have. I am kinda upset but I really don't know how to react...

So much changed when Michael got the letter from the Sheriff's Department the other day.  He got declined and will not be hired. Very upsetting as this puts off, well, everything. No apartment, no pomeranian, no plans anymore.

Work has been good. I caught on very fast and am enjoying my job. Just very tired a lot.  I like working again though. I am trying to start a *business*, making baby blankets and gift sets. I don't have everything worked out yet. So we will see.

                                                                                                             

We got Michael's taxes back and opened an account again at Bank Of America, finances should start evening out soon, as we both are working and all. That and we won't be moving out anytime soon, so we should be able to save some money and everything.

I am having some emotional issues about a bunch of things...

1. I really want to get married, or at least be engaged... but I understand why (I guess) so I am trying to put it off...

2.Michael might be getting promoted at work to management and moving to a new store. We have no details yet, so I am not getting excited. My emotional issues are theat he is not doing what he would like to. That and (this is horrible) but I really liked the idea of him being a police officer. I have a thing, i guess you could say for people serving (ie Marines, cops, ect.) and I feel like it might take away from him if he doesn't go for it. He has always wanted it, I feel bad if he doesn't get it. NOW he would make more money at publix and be out of danger, so I guess it's all up to him and he can decide what to do, and I will just live with it. It is causing me some major thought though.

3. I am finding myself wanting change, and a drastic change at that. Not a hair color or job or something, I have no idea... Something... I may just rearrange the room, or something... and see if that works.. if not... I have no idea.

I desided on my first tattoo, since the one I am designing is not complete yet.
It's simple, and small, and kinda cool. I think I am getting it on my ankle but not sure yet... I want it somewhere cute...

                                                                                              
Basically a white or blue Colts Horseshoe with nice coloring. We will see. 

So yeah,

Thats the update.

Lyz

Thanks alot. 



You read it, and turned right around and put the blame on me.



I tried again to be your friend... I can't do anymore...



The ball is no longer in my court. You do not get to blame this all on me....

-Thanks a lot....

So I have had some time today to really sit and think some things over. It has been so nice for some reason to have an alone day. 

I have been really missing my Mammers lately. I don't know why... But it's not really getting easier. I still miss her and I do not think I will EVER stop missing her. Michael and I are going to have seats saved at our wedding, one on each side, with blown up pictures of our Grandmothers, since we both lost ours in a 4 month span. I really would like seeing Mammers face as I walk down the aisle, I know she will be there completely in spirit but to add to it, I am having her picture there as well.

                                                                                      

I have an interview tomorrow at 2 for a nanny position that will be interesting. I am also waiting to hear from Home Depot... so hopefully soon, I will have a job.

On Friday, Michael has his last step in the hiring process for the Jail, his Pysch exam down at the mental ward in Symrna. After that, he should have a final meeting with the board and will be *HOPEFULLY*  offered a position at the jail.  



That night we have to be down in Atlanta to see Sean McConnell play with his full band at the Vinyl. We are very excited! 

Michael and I are doing very well. We are getting so caught up with our bills and will be out of debt in a little while once we get taxes back and then when Michael starts his job at the jail, we are going to get some money into savings and then get our gorgeous apartment. Very very exciting. Michael has said that once we are caught up, and doing well finacially, we will become engaged... he is still making it a huge surprise which is nice... HEY, I could say no you know.... haha... haha... 



I would like to get married in Fall, like october or something, so we will see.



Michael has also said that once we get into an apartment, I am getting my puppy. I have been doing a ton of research and have decided on getting a very small male pomeranian. I want a little boy.

                         How Cute????                    

I have figured out my tattoo now, I think... I just don't know where to put it yet.

It Involves all of these:
 


That's all for now,

Lyzette Marie
(and I'm back)

Sorry about the last entry I typed. I was cut off and well, i was too upset to continue. 

That's how it's been these last few days. I feel depressed, scared, lost, and confused about so many things. Some things have the same emotions some don't.  

In the time Michael and I have been together, I have had the most astonishing life. I truly deeply love him with everything I am, every little ounce of me is passionatly devoted and in love with Michael. I am suspended in a sureal and destined juncture that drives forward with every breath granted from the one life I have to live. This burning sensuality and desire never once previously brought into the light, not even a glimpse, is in full drive now and only now, with his arms around me. His lips pull fears, agitations, discomposure, stress, uncertainty, and insecurity out of me with every tender kiss. Michael's eyes are the only eyes in the world have the power and the knowledge to not only see me exactly as I am, but to see through me to what I can be, what I will be, and what i should be. He alone has the perseverance to get me to where I need to be emotionally, physically, and mentally.  For all of this... and so much more. I am Thankful.

                                                                            "Thankful"

                                                       You know my soul
                                  you know everything about me there's to know
                                                      you know my heart
                                   how to make me stop & how to make me go
                                          you should know i love everything
                                              about you don't you know


                                                     that i'm thankful
                                                      for the blessing
                                     and the lessons that i've learned with you
                                                         by my side
                                     that i'm thankful so thankful for the love
                                          that you keep bringing in my life
                                                         in my life
                                                Thankful so thankful


                                              You know my thoughts
                                  before i open up my mouth & try to speak
                                              you know my dreams
                                 must be listening when i'm talking in my sleep
                                                 i hope you know
                                 i love having you around me don't you know


                                        that i'm thankful for the blessing
                                   and the lessons that i've learned with you
                                                       by my side
                                   that i'm thankful so thankful for the love
                                  that you keep bringing in my life in my life

                             Don't you know that i'm thankful for the moment
                         when i'm down you always know how to make me smile
                    thankful for the moments & the joy that your bringing to my life

                                         for the lessons that i've learned
                                            for the trouble i've known
                                             for the heartache & pain
                                           that you've thrown my way
                                        when i didn't think i could go on
                                          but you made me feel strong
                                            with you I am never alone

                                                 thankful so thankful

                                             thankful for the blessing
                                   and the lessons that i've learned with you
                                                    by my side
                                   that i'm thankful so thankful for the love
                                  that you keep bringing in my life in my life
                                                 thankful so thankful

                           when i'm down you always know how to make me smile
                               thankful for the joys that your bringing to my life
                                                thankful so thankful

I can't wait to come home baby. I never want to do this again. I love you. 

-Jasmine-